5 signs you might be settling for less than you deserve in a relationship…
You can generally detect the warning signs within a few weeks of dating the same person. I mean, normally, the slightest hints of self-centeredness, aggression, manipulation, frequent criticism or possessiveness should warm up your ears, tilt your head to the right, squint your eyes with that I-now-have-a-thousand-questions look and you run. Right? Well, actually not for all of us. There are those who detect the signs, yet persist on dating the weirdo. I know because, sadly, I’ve been one in the past. At some point in life, dating becomes dull. Actually, it is quite dreadful. Date after date. Coffee after coffee. Something shuts off and the life of being single, focusing on your career and adopting 5 cats doesn’t sound so bad after all. Actually, it sounds much better than taking another sip of coffee on a dreadful date. You realize you wasted your time and a cute outfit for someone you don’t even see a future with.
Once fine day, out of nowhere, just when you’re about to call it quit for a while – there he/she is. The one that’ll give you that extra care and attention and who will genuinely act excited to be around you. You will feel completely cared for, admired and overwhelmed even. You haven’t had this much attention in such a long time. Right in that moment. Just like that. Under that cute spell mixed with the feeling of being wanted, you subconsciously (or consciously) forget about everything YOU are looking for and you settle. You’ll unknowingly commit to a second day and in no time you will have jumped in a relationship face first. Why? Because you secretly gave up faith of finding someone more suitable in the process. Even though it just doesn’t feel right because you know you lowered your standard, you manage to wake up one day in total despair. You fall to the point that you are willing to lie for him/her. Protect him/her. In total denial, you will find yourself defending him/her and warranting his/her behavior by saying things like: “Oh please, that friendly tap? He/She was just joking around” **Awkward laugh**. You might even try to hide it by purposely making up excuses for your partner’s behavior: “He/She is not disrespectful; he/she just had a rough day”. I’ve even seen the blunt type who will admit it flat out and say something that will keep your friends talking for weeks: “Yes, he/she is condescending, disrespectful and maybe a little selfish at times but he’s/she’s so rich! Think about my future and the life of my future babies?”. What?!?! Why do we do that? Why do we trap ourselves in situations like that?
I am sitting here completely numb by the thought of the naive times in my life. I wonder: why did I ever pursue a relationship knowingly that it wasn’t for me in the long run? Why waste his/her time or yours? So many reasons came to mind: Do we think we deserve it? Maybe we never thought we could get someone this hot to like us? Maybe getting older and having dated for almost 15+ years makes us feel like “getting it done and over with”? Maybe we’ve been dreaming of our fairy-tale wedding since the age of five and the thought of starting over again makes us sick? No matter the reason…why do we let our emotions lead the way?
To help you avoid having to go through this reflection and to help guide you in case you don’t think you are in a “settling position” in your relationship. I have put together 5 signs that you are settling for less than you truly deserve in your relationship:
*You feel like you have to change yourself to be loved or accepted;
*You keep giving him chances even though he has lied and/or cheated repetitively and you secretly hope that one day he will magically wake up and see you for the person that you are and adore you once again;
*Your partner refuses to compromise – its his/her way or the highway so you become someone else to avoid any conflict and make it work;
*Your relationship brings you down. You are not supported by your partner and he/she doesn’t aspire you to be better; and
*You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. If you catch yourself lying to your friends and family then you are not only lying to them but to yourself.
Truth is, no one should ever settle for less than what they deserve. I know being single or alone can be some times hard. Especially when life throws a couple of lemons at you. You will go through some pretty intense experiences that’ll bring you down and nothing will feel harder then flying solo. I get that. I’ve been there. But what if it was all a test? I learned that rather then staying in an unhealthy relationship, I would much rather focus on the relationship I have with myself. Because, what if being alone meant preparing you to fully receive the next chapter of your life?
We make our own decisions. Choosing ourselves first in this situation may seem lonely but I can personally attest to fruitfulness of the outcome. Just like breaking up is an act of courage and strength so is self-love and self-respect..yet so much more rewarding.
What do you want? What do you not want? What did you settle for?