Read this if you think you are moving too fast in your relationship.

posted in: Love | 0

 

Couple_HappyPicture this: First Week: You’ve already seen each other twice maybe three times. First month: You send each other “I miss you” notes. First three months: You booked a vacation and you may already have plans for the future or you met each others parents.

How did this all happen? this is how: In the beginning, you used to text about your day and casual meeting points. Then you checked in just to say “hello”. Next thing you know, you find yourself texting all day about your likes and dislikes. As the months go by, your texts are getting increasingly deep. While it was fun and exciting in the beginning, you become very fond of each other. Although, you try to be cautious about moving in too quickly (because you’ve been hurt so many times before) you still manage to make your relationship look more and more like a bucket list. In a blink of an eye, you feel completely drawn to him. In such a short amount of time, you feel as though you’ve known each other for years. Feelings start to grow and he reaffirms it every day by telling you how much you mean to him. You think: “I have dated so much in the past. At my age, I think I should know if this one feels differently”. Your friends start questioning your behavior because you seem to much rather spend your evenings at home, you are often on your phone and you decline girls nights. He has now become your little secret and you insist on keeping it that way for just a little while longer. When you’re finally ready to confess your sins, your friends are happy for you but deep down inside they raise an eyebrow in caution. “This can’t be real. This is way too fast!” they think. They don’t need to say anything. You can read it all over their facial expressions. You leave that confession session feeling uneasy. All you can think about is: “What if they are right? What if there’s something I am missing? Stories like this are the exception, not the norm.” Then within minutes you are brought back to how he makes you feel. That comfortable cocoon you created with your new lover and you realize that you only have doubts since you met your friends. All of a sudden, their opinion matters less. Weeks pass, it all becomes so real. You are wearing a girlfriend title on your forehead and it shows. Your demeanor is different. You’re completely taken by him. “This is getting serious!” you think. You want to slow it down again because you’re scared and you start plotting HOW TOs although you know you just can’t. You’re already deep into it. You’ve said too much and you don’t even know why you want to slow things down anymore because you actually don’t regret anything. So you continue to feed the beast. You continue to talk about your future plans together and this imaginary life you created together. Until one day, you can’t feed the machine anymore. You need actions. That’s when you start doing the stuff you said you would never do in less then a year (i.e.: You move in together) While you don’t believe in getting married within less then a year like your grandparents did…the thought actually crossed your mind. You wake up one day, a year later and you think: WOW! What just happened?

Does this sound familiar?

You may be judged on the outside but on the inside it felt right and secure. Although you might have had your “its too good to be true moments” where you doubted, you never let these emotions overcome your happiness. This is your story. Your reality. So what does moving too fast have to do with anything?

If you are still not convinced, let me tell you why moving too fast means absolutely nothing:


WatchIts about how you feel. Its not about your own timeline (read agenda).

Humans are natural worriers – we worry about things like how we may be portrayed, about running out of things to talk about, and we often just want to “keep him wanting more”. While this is good and important,  it has nothing to do with how he makes you feel. If the relationship sparked intensely from week one, it wasn’t because he had everything you ordered on your checklist. It is because of how you are when you are together. So regardless of how much time you spend together, how you feel around one another will never run out.

Its about your connection. It is not about what people may think.

Is it hard to say goodbye? Do you hang up the phone and you miss him already? “Missing” in this sentence is defined as that genuine feeling. I mean you feel like your day is better when you are with him. I am not talking about that crazy clingy friend of yours, I am talking about you feeling like he is added value to your life. That right there….is called a connection. If he feels the same way he will tell you. Embrace it and enjoy it for what it is. Something very special is building up and no one can take it away from you. That’s proof that you don’t have to know someone for years to have a connection. Its just faith.

TogetherIts about spending quality time together and testing out your boundaries.

So you know you have a deep connection, now you’re dreaming of a holiday together and sucking faces for a week straight. All you think about is spending days under the sheet with nothing else to do but each other. Possibly and occasionally, you may come up for air, water or food. *Sigh* While most people may advise against it, I say go for it. In the end, if being together intensely for a week goes sour a little bit, then at least you’ll know! You’ll know exactly how he is and it won’t cost you a year long rental agreement to find out.

Its about sharing (possibly more than you ever did).

If he’s showing you his favorite spots, he’s showing off his cooking skills, he’s showing you off to some of his closest friends, he drives you up to his old neighborhood where he grew up and gives you the grand tour of his old house, his old high school and old parks he used to play with those same friends then don’t hold back. If he is making himself vulnerable, you should return the same treatment. If this is too much for you, then do what feels comfortable for you. The way I see it, do what you would be ok living with in the event that it doesn’t work out. DISCLOSURE: there’s nothing wrong in taking a chance on something that has tremendous potential. It is really rare to feel a connection that deep with someone. If you ask me, I would risk it and give it my all.

So stop worrying about having sex too early, about meeting his parents and do what feels right. About that, humans are sexual beings, so if you were only attracted for sex then better know now then on date #10. As for meeting the parents, don’t worry about what they might think. According to Statistics Canada (2011 Census), the average age of marriage has gone up significantly in the past 40 years. In the 70’s the average age was 23 for women and 25.4 for men. By 2008, the average age of first marriage was 29.6 for women and 31.6 for men. Trust me when I say they understand the change in society and they understand what dating is like today. Nowadays, if you meet somebody who is less than 30 and thinking about getting married it is quite unusual. So smile and go with the flow!

Enjoy yourself and celebrate what is happening. A special connection should be cherished and savored like a good steak not shredded with questions (sorry vegetarians).

 

Sin xo

Leave a Reply