It wasn’t date salad…

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Online Dating

Online dating again! It seriously has its ups and downs but damn does it make great stories! Ha!

Doing it up differently this time. My new rule: once matched, try to meet within a few days of chatting. No more time wasting.

Few years ago, when I did this, I made the mistake of talking for way too long. In my defense, the process felt so unnatural to me that I wanted to make sure I was interested before stepping out of the house or putting my face on. I quickly realized I was unintentionally setting myself up for failure. Almost every time.

Internal Voice: “Rip off the band-aid Sindy. You got this!” (Strong arm emoji)

**********

Meet Paul. Tall-ish. Dark hair. Green eyes. Good job. Educated. Well-traveled. Fairly decent conversation via text that keep me engaged. Mostly, I enjoyed how inquisitive he was about my person. Although I am usually quite private to a fault, somehow, his ways of asking questions made me feel a little special and I found it charming rather than invasive.

Paul finally muscles the courage to ask me out. (Yay me!)

***********

Date night: 

I show up to small bar/lounge of some sort. Ladies, you know that cute outfit you put on that’s business casual yet so comfy? The one that makes you free sexy and like you came to slay? yeah…that one. I was looking effortlessly cute. My hair looked good. My make-up was on point and I smelled delicious honey. #goodhairdontcare #becky

Paul walks through the door. (gulp)….Nope! Not for me. Inside voice: “F@$@$@$! Did I just waste an outfit?”

Close my eyes, shake it off. Queue my inside voice again: “This time you are doing this differently. Give it a try. You never know! You got this.”  (Insert self tap on the back)

Slaps on a smile. (internal sigh)

We greet. We sits. We order. We do the basic introductions.

We mostly talk about our likes and dislikes. We get along fine but our reactions to certain things are different. We think differently. Paul starts talking a lot about the “free” stuff he’s been getting and how to get free things in this city. Where to go when it is free. The first five minutes, I think he is quite resourceful. After that, I politely placed Paul in the frugal box and keep listening with a smile. Two beers in and I am ready to leave.

Just as I am about to signal the server, Paul asks me about my dating experience on the app which I summed up to: “Yeah. It’s pretty non-existent”. I am very busy and it takes more then just a match for me to go on a date. How about you?

 

Salad

Paul says: “Its good actually. I enjoy dating.” Someone, following that statement, Paul feels the need to tell me about his date last week. Here’s the short version (Queue Drum roll):

Paul meets Sandra for a date. Sandra shows up early to the dating location to eat something. Poor girl was starving after work and decided to show up early to wolf down a salad before his date (Paul) shows up. While Sandra’s having her salad quietly, Paul shows up early too! She finishes eating her salad. They order drinks and talk for hours. This date is going wonderfully. Getting to know eachother is easy and quite enjoyable. The date extends well into the evening – beyond the stable online dating one hour meet and greet. They order more food and more drinks. What a blast! Finally, the date must come to an end. Paul enjoyed himself so much that he asks for the bill (one bill). She insists to pay her share but he refuses. When the bill comes, Paul notices the salad she ordered before he arrived. Remember that salad? He actually says to Sandra: “I am not sure why the salad is on the bill. It wasn’t date salad“.

WHHHHAAAAT?!?!?!? I am moooooooooortified.

Sindy: “Omg. Tell me you paid for the salad!” (insert hand in face emoji here)

Paul: “Yes I did but I have to say I almost didn’t because it wasn’t “date salad”. The salad wasn’t ordered on the date so I don’t think I should pay for it. I settled for making sure she knew that I paid for a salad outside of our date instead.

Inside voice: Omg. Omg. Omg. (Stunt emoji) WTF?! Confirmed: NOT. FOR. ME. Now everything makes sense. All this talk about getting “free stuff” in town. EVERYTHING makes sense now.

Completely shocked and feeling second degree embarrassment for the poor hungry girl, I play it cool as he continues with his logic. I am not longer listening at this point. I desperately trying to blink. Sindy blink. You probably look like a deer in headlights right now. Bliiiink! Internal voice: WHAT? DUDE! REALLYYYYYYY?????

I manage to smile and try to change the subject. Talked for another 10-15 minutes and politely suggest I have I have an early start in the morning (which was completely true).

After that “date salad” thing. I am DEFINITELY paying for my $hit. Plus I am so hungry, I could eat an elephant right now. Better not order a salad Sindy (rolling my eyes).

The server comes by and just as I was going to ask for the bill (no “s” there…ONE bill), Paul asks for the bills (with an “s” – meaning split the check). No problem. I got my drinks. Paul wants to pay with a card. I have cash for once. Gotta take a trip to the ladies room so I slip him a $20. Task him with paying my bill. Told him to leave the change with the servers since he was so nice and it was a slow night. I have to take a trip to the ladies room.

When I get back from the washroom, I notice Paul passing the machine to pay for his bill and pocketing $2 out of my own change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said nothing. I just wanted to leave at this point. This is crazy.

Wait! Still not done. I thank him for the night and tell him I gotta go home. He follows me. (Grrrrrrrrrr) He wants to walk me home (or nearby). I have to stop for that pizza slice so I politely inform him that I am going to get myself a giant slice. I ask if he wants one. He declines. When I get my slice, who is the first to jump on it like a fat kid on smarties? Paul.

Needless to say, when he contacted me the next day, I politely declined and wished him well.

**Shaking my head** Hilarious.

Tell me about your horrible dating stories? Got any to share? What would you have done differently?

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