If asking your man to talk about his feelings is as painful as a root canal then you are dealing with an emotionally challenged man. Lucky you, he might even be completely shut down. Stay strong sista because you are not alone! These emotionally challenged men seem to have infiltrated themselves everywhere among us normal people (you too emotionally charged people).
These creatures, we will call ECMs, can drive you crazy and may even create a monster out of you. If you experience moments of questioning yourself like: WTF?! Am I the only one here who sees this as abnormal behavior? or if you find yourself plotting for a way to get an emotion out of him, you are dealing with an ECM. Just in case you can’t categorize your man just yet, here are five signs he is emotionally challenged:
Clue #1: He won’t talk! For hours, he can talk about sports, his silly friends and work but when it comes to your relationship, finding a new job or his five year plan…he clams up. For some reason, anything related to expressing his emotions makes him shrimp away (and even act dismissive at times).
Clue #2: He is passive-aggressive. He will purposely push your limits then push it onto you with comments like: “you are so emotional” or “you are constantly nagging”…yet he created that monster that lives inside you. Feel me girl?!
Clue #3: Lies of omission. Withholding information from someone on purpose to spare their feelings is a flat out lie. It is also the third clue that he is incapable of dealing with his emotions. Its just a another hideaway. A way to avoid dealing with his feelings.
Clue #4: Avoidance. You ask a question and you end up talking about the weather or the strangers ugly sweater…he’s avoiding. AWKWARD!
Clue #5: One foot in…One foot out. Are you getting signs of hostility? Do you often feel like he is not fully committed to the relationship? Then follow your gut: he probably isn’t.
These warning signs are not to say he doesn’t care about you. It just simply means that you are dealing with a man who is hard to penetrate. Not one relationship is the same but you have to know what you are capable of handling. Find out what your limits are.
Remember this type of emotional handicap is usually deep rooted – he might have been hurt in the past, maybe he grew up in a household full of pms raging women or he might have mommy/daddy issues. No matter the case, emotions are still inside of him. He wasn’t depleted of them one Saturday morning.
The way i see it, you have two options:
- Talk it out then pray he cares enough to make a conscious effort to express his feelings a little more, or
- You call it quits.
Truth is, dating someone who is afraid of dealing with his emotions can be very painful. You will feel lonely, you will feel barely understood and you will often question yourself. Not everyone can be with someone who clams up at the sign of any emotions or “deep communication”.
Then again, there’s also the flip side of all this: maybe he is showing his love and affection in other ways. Maybe he simply doesn’t speak your love language. You might require him to tell you he loves you and how beautiful you are regularly. Meanwhile, his way of showing his love may be a different way. Does he tell you how much he enjoys your dinner? Do you have to tell him 1000 times to take away the garbage or does he do it on his own? Does he tell you how great you smell? Does he leave you love notes around the house or in your purse? See, the trouble is, as women, society brainwashes us into thinking that men should fulfill our emotional side. For instance, you might have heard someone tell you: he should be able to feel vulnerable with you (read cry) or he should open up his “feminine side”. Truth is…he doesn’t really have to.
So ask yourself : Is he lacking in that department or are you not speaking the same language of love?