Readers Question: How do you deal with a relationship that is drifting away?

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Think about it

Facing a relationship that is drifting is normal but dealing with it can be quite delicate. What do you do? Do you throw yourself in blindly? Do you try to salvage the little pieces and make the best out of it? Do you talk it out? Do you let it drift away? Should you mourn or rejoice your newfound freedom?

Every type of relationship deserves particular attention. For instance, in love, you may be more attention driven – you may want to get to know each other, you might be looking for patterns, habits, things that make your teeth grind or your heart melt. In friendship, you may be looking for companionship, someone with common interests and passions and not much more.

There’s no special formula to this question. Only you can decide the importance of that relationship. If its worth the work or not. Bob Marley said: “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for.” What this means is, don’t be afraid. No matter the relationship you experience only you can be the judge of what is best for you.

In my experience, if you are asking yourself the question, then something has already gone wrong. You might be afraid to act and to proceed but most times, the answer is screaming out loud. You know what to do. If you don’t, let me give you a hint: The most difficult answer is the right answer. So if you feel like your relationship is drifting away, my advice is to think about your memories, think about your past experiences with this person, reflect on the positive and the negative this relationship has brought you and if the good outweighs the bad: work at it. If the bad outweighs the good: run!

In the past, I have had to make some difficult choices. I have had to weight in the positive and the negative in many different types of relationships – work friends, bosses, school friends, childhood friends, acquaintances, love and family. The common denominator: Me. The relationships I have had the courage to let go have always been a good decision. I didn’t always have the courage to let them go when I should have. Some relationships, took me a while to cut all ties for various reasons but I kept paying for it in time, energy and emotions. While I was putting in my all, the other wasn’t. To me, these were signs the universe was trying to tell me something. When I finally muscled the strength to walk away, I felt a ton of bricks off my shoulders. Like I had just dropped a heavy load off my back.

I also had great relationships where it felt impossible to see myself without them. I just couldn’t let them go. It was as simple as feeling a special connection. You know that person you may not have seen in a long time yet when you meet again, its like you were attached at the hip since childhood. You feel connected in the simplest way. No need for deep conversations. Just be in that moment. It just clicks.

So if you ask me how to deal with a relationship that is drifting away, I say: you meet people for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Look within, you already know the answer.


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