Where did all the committal man (and woman) go?
Dating again. Back in the playing field and it isn’t as fun as my married and partnered friends might think. Makes for great stories on girls nights but while they are living vicariously through my horror stories, I find myself spending considerable resources on man who aren’t committal in any way. I can’t count the number of times I heard a man tell me he is looking for a fling, casual dating or quick sex. Now in my late thirties, you would think it is easier or that men my age are finally ready to commit to someone fully? That they got the party out of their system and are ready to “settle down”? Negative soldier! The older the men I date, the worst it gets. Why?Because they are either divorced or out of a committed relationship. They are far from being interested to jump back in with both feet. Matter of fact, I can say with complete confidence the following statement: 80% of men I have dated so far are interested in something “fun” as they call it. Unfortunately, I am not alone, I know there are a lot of you out there who chose to focus on your careers and education, only to find yourself single in your late thirties like me. Who would have thought it would be so hard? I mean how many more Mr. Right-Nows before meeting Mr. Right?
Well, to help you weed them out, I’ve put together a little list:
6 signs to detect a non-committal man (or woman)
1) Touchy and feely
If he/she can’t take their hands off of you in public imagine what it’ll look like in private. The committal person wouldn’t dare touch you in a way that may suggest anything else but respect. If he/she really likes you, he/she wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression — especially when it comes to your body.
2) History repeats itself
Ask and listen to his/her past dating history. If he/she never really had a real girlfriend/boyfriend, chances are he/she’s not looking for one now either. Ask him/her what he/she is looking for in a partner. If his/her answer is: the perfect or ideal partner or something in the lines of “that crazy connection”…run. Truth is, any mature man/woman knows that it takes time to develop these types of connections. While you will never know if it is true that he/she found it before, it was the exception and not the norm. If this person was so great, where is she/he now? Plus, a mature connection calls for compatibility in values and morals. Anything less is a no.
3) He wont initiate or contact you… for loooooong period of times
If he/she is not texting, calling or visiting, it usually means a lot. You know what it feels like when someone is really into you? Remember those butterflies you get when he/she calls you just to say you are on their mind? That text message you receive in the middle of the day that makes you feel like he/she can’t get enough of you. The little gifts you receive because they saw something that reminded them of this conversation you once had. Better yet, that moment he/she asks you out again, when you haven’t even left the date. These are a lot of signs of interest and commitment that are demonstrated through effort, resilience and confidence. Don’t let his/her cute face tell you otherwise. No matter how busy anyone is, when someone is truly interested in a serious committed relationship, there’s always time to communicate.
4) No inquisition
Do you do most of the questioning? Does he/she even care to ask? Do you feel that pull where they truly are trying to get to know you? If you answer no, it usually means he/she is not interested in getting emotionally attached. Those who want a serious relationship, will seek out your thoughts and opinion on things — just to get to know your likes and dislikes. What are you really like beyond the cute outfit and this fancy dinner? The ultimate goal is to confirm compatibility and you feel it. Remember, love is based on one premise: Getting as close to that person as possible. That means physically, mentally and emotionally.
5) Flakiness usually means a mess
If he/she’s not consistent on their story or something smells fishy…it probably means something isn’t right. Listen to your gut. No excuses. No second-thought. Take notes and take charge.
6) They will tell you
Ultimately, those who are not interested in a commitment will actually tell you within the first encounters. Listen and believe them. Don’t try to change anyone or sit there and wonder “how could you NOT wanna find your person?” It doesn’t matter. Thank them for telling you their truth and for not wasting your time any further and continue your way to finding Mr. Right.
Any other signs you can think of?